Stuff I've learned recently

This turned into a really long post. Good luck and thanks in advance if you actually get through it all!  Please comment if you do. It would be much appreciated! 

Having been off work for a ridiculous amount of time, I felt the need to share and to prove that I haven't wasted this time. Which is just stupid considering that I am off work for a legitimate reason which is to improve my health and get a handle on this thing called 'anxiety'. 

I think the worst thing is the guilt. My parents instilled a rigorous work ethic into me which is brilliant but problematic in my current situation. I feel like I'm skiving, pulling a sickie, blah blah blah, etc. But logical head says that if I was in my workplace now then I would be in a much worse position healthwise. So the reason I am going with my doctors recommendation and not rushing back to work is that I don't ever want to be in this position again. It's just horrible. 

See what I'm doing here? I'm trying to justify myself to people who may read this and therefore judge me. *facepalm* 

So I am going to make a list of things I have learned or have learned about in the last 2 months. To make myself feel better. And to 'prove' that I'm not just a lazy git. 

Things I have learned: 

• Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to admit when you're struggling. Life can be tough and we all need help sometimes be it professional or otherwise.  

• Don't try and minimise your problems. This is something I am particularly guilty of. I tell myself that people are coping with cancer, bereavement, poverty, marriage breakdowns, etc. so why am I whining that I'm feeling like this? This kind of thinking really doesn't help. My issues affect me on a daily basis, therefore I have the right to do the best for myself in whatever way I see fit. 

• Talk about it. Share what you're going through with your loved ones. You don't have to give a blow-by-blow account, that's probably not helpful but let them know. Having a loving support structure in place can only ever be a good thing. 

• Take the help that's offered. I have the world's best doctor. Fact. Dr S is a jolly German man with sparkly eyes and a lovely smile. My whole situation came about after I'd gone to him because I hadn't been able to hear out of my right ear for a week. So we did the ear stuff and, bless him, he just turned round to me, smiled and said 'How's everything else, alright?'. Cue a sizable meltdown. He handed me a medicated tissue. (Amazing how you notice the small stuff, huh?!) He listened and very gently asked me why I hadn't been to see him before. He took me seriously and for that I will be eternally grateful. This is the second time that the anxiety has crept up and bitten me on the bum but last time I didn't take the proper time to really sort it out. Dr S put me on low dose meds, promptly referred to a counselling service and then told me in no uncertain terms that I was not going back to work for the time being. Dr S is my hero. 

Things I have learned about: 

Paint.net  
This is a lovely piece of free graphic design software. I tried photoshop before but it's just too complicated for simple little me! 30 Seconds to Mars were holding a competition to design a sticker for promotional purposes. It looked like so much fun that I caved and downloaded paint.net. Despite not being able to draw or paint, I have discovered that my brain understands digital art. Just the basics but enough so that I have fun and make some cool looking stuff. If you go to my profile you will see the picture of Pegasus that I made for a friend but ended up keeping just cos I loved it so much! 


Buying gig tickets on the internet. 
Holy hell, this was a stressful lesson! When your favourite band announces that they are doing a warm up gig in a 1400 capacity venue to showcase their new album before the release, then you have to go, right? Of course you do..... you and 3000 other people.... 

Karina and I were on the internet and Tweaks was on the phone. It was like a military operation. Error screens, jammed phone lines, blood pressure rising, a moment of hope before another effing error screen.... and then, at 9 minutes past 9 came the dreaded words, SOLD OUT. I swear the ticket sellers do this just to make you feel extra bad. It's not just sold out, it's SOLD OUT!! 

Oh, the misery and depression that ensued was tanglible. I could feel it down the phone line as my comrades and I tried to console each other. I'll admit that there were tears. 

Fast forward to 2.30pm that same day and I woefully decided that I needed to go and fill my car up so I decided to check my online banking to see what cash I had. Numbers flashed and I registered that there seemed to be a sizeable chunk of cash missing from my account.  Slow motion time. Check email. Email has magic words 'Confirmation of ticket order...' 

Those error screens had lied to me! Filthy fibbing error screens! Turns out that my first order had actually gone through and we were the proud owners of 4 tickets to see 30 Seconds To Mars! Bought at 9.03am and confirmation email sent at 12.08pm.  
I will be better prepared next time!  


And last but most definitely not least, I learned about blogging. I love it. I love the fact that we're all opening a little window into our minds and inviting each other to sit and watch awhile. 


Thank you so much for reading this. You deserve a medal. :)